Can it get any better? During dinner he was telling my daughter that people get get in their ways and have a hard time when someone comes to visit, it makes them uncomfortable. I said not to say that everyone does that because not everyone is like that. So he says that I’m set in my ways. And that we all always only see our own side to things. Then when I asked what he meant he refused to discuss it. (As an FYI, most of our conversations end with me giving multiple scenarios of why something occurred the way it did or why someone might have made a decision the way they did - much to his displeasure. He enjoys trashing people and judging them without the slightest idea of why they did what he saw them do. He will generally shut up at this point or change the subject. But I go out of my way to try to see all sides to a situation, and this is why a comment about me being set in my ways and not able to change was very hurtful) As for being set in my ways, I try to improve something about me every single day. I learn something, I try to do something differently to see if it works better. For some reason when he said that I was insulted. It really hurt my feelings (and he was sober so I was way off guard). It just really really hurt when he said that. And when I say something to my mom she says it’s me seeing things wrong. I should ignore him or not take him seriously. Why though? Why should I have to ignore someone in my own house? Why shouldn’t I be able to take my husband seriously? Maybe I’m just a complete idiot. Maybe it is all me. I’m the only one who is miserable here, everyone else is out in the pool enjoying themselves. How can someone who is supposed to be your best friend just be so emotionally draining? Why would he say something that he knows is so against what I think I am (and I don’t even know what I am anymore) and then go off all content and making snide comments about me having an attitude all of a sudden? I wish I could just make all this pain go away. I know I screwed up, I don’t think I deserve this, though.
I’m going to go do dishes and laundry and try to calm down before he comes in. It could get ugly though.
Written by me on August 16th, 2006 and reposted from archives.
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