I swear my blood pressure goes off the chart when he has asked me 6+ times if I got something for the kids to eat. I’m cooking it. It’s half on the table. It’s in front of his face. Did I do this? Yes 10 times. Did I do that? Yes 15 times. Thank God he fell asleep before I got done reading the girls a bedtime story. If I had to put up with any more of it…I believe I might just explode.
My son finds this equally annoying. It could be why he just moved 1200 miles away. I would move 1200 miles away if I could also. But my son has honestly been trying to get me to get a divorce for years. And mostly it’s after my husband has gotten to the repeat stage that he tells me I should just leave or run or something. Maybe I’m just stupid. But mostly it’s the fact that I can’t stand not having a plan.
Planning is super important. I’ve been told for my whole life that I suck at planning, or given the impression that because I’m a female I can’t plan. These same people who make fun of my planning skills have also expected me to know where everything is, how it works, how to fix it and how it was invented/created/manufactured. And I should know all this because, “I’m the mom.” Well. Aren’t mom’s female? How the hell can we be the keeper of multiple people and their clothes, books, toys, hobby items, food, friends lost items, vehicles maintenance schedules, etc…and not be able to plan?? I’ve only just realized (remember, I must be stupid) that I am able to organize, schedule and plan. I found out when I told my hubby , “NO. I will not stop what I’m doing to do this for you. I’ll get to it when I finish.” Now, that started a chain reaction that was beyond my own expectations. Once I realized that I could say no…I did. Often.
Imagine this…you are at work and your boss drops in and says, “I need ______ “. So you say, “Is this a priority? I’m in the middle of ______. But if it’s vital I can stop this and work on what you just gave me.” Now that is normal communication. In my world, hubby says, “I need _______” and I drop what I’m doing so I don’t have to listen to him whine or pout because “I don’t love him because I didn’t stop what I was doing” and do what he needed right away. That’s not communication. That’s being a spoiled whiney brat.
I’m almost done putting up with this. I think I can’t believe half the stuff that goes on so I just file it in some black hole in my memory. Then when it happens again…I vaguely remember this…like deja vu. But eventually, the memories linger longer and longer and you start to realize there is a pattern. A pattern that you missed. A pattern that obviously isn’t going anywhere because you keep allowing it to happen. I’m thinking that by writing this shit down for the world to see…I’ll be too embarrassed to NOT do anything.
But who knows? Certainly not I.
I’m going to get some work done. I have a bunch of templates to make tonight to work with a script. I am actually looking forward to it. I enjoy my job.
Peace to all
Written by me on August 12th, 2006 and reposted from archives on October 14, 2011
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