I woke up this morning (reluctantly) after hanging out all night in what I would call a Gulf-Area bar…not sure of the location but if you’ve been to a small town on the Gulf of Mexico…almost like New Orleans with shops and people but not nearly as busy…with water, homemade boats next to shrimp boats next to a few newer decent sized boats…where walking up the street is to be flowing in the drama of the city, not merely passing shops and empty lots. These towns have character. They have history. Anyway, I was in a town like this. It started with some bizarre need to pull a broken down boat using a really big chain pulled by someone walking down the waterfront street, and me explaining the laws of physics to the clueless dolt requesting the pulling be done. I think that bit of dream moved on to me walking off and in to what seemed to be a bar I’d never been in, but was totally comfortable all the same. And while there was a mysterious stranger who was beyond (way beyond) normal, who remained concealed but kept running off when they saw me and the bar keep as well as patrons all knew they were out there, as they alerted me to them when they peeked in the window. And the alerting was more of a nudge or a nod, nothing intended to scare said person away. Actually, this person was in the bar when i came in and sat down next to them, and was someone I didn’t recognize so it really made no impact on the dream, aside from the constant popping up. What was really the most interesting was…the bar was filled with bands I’d met, been around, never met but would have been quite comfortable hanging out with, etc. As they were mostly rock and roll and southern rock type bands, the bar suited them all just fine and they seemed to be regulars. Anyway, as I’m there, just hanging out…chatting with various people I can’t quite remember, I do remember big plans being made. Big. The primary organizer appeared to have been an extremely famous singer (not who’d I’d think of to dream about, but appropriate anyway) and he kept referring to me to make sure I could make it to this big event because I was a very important part of it. The rest of the patrons would echo this sentiment as I saw them, which made the dream so incredibly pleasant. I really did not want to wake up this morning. I’m guessing this complete and absolute warm fuzzy content and pleased with myself feeling is what it might have felt like if my father had ever actually approved of something I had done…and I’m guessing the dream was triggered by my ranting about it here. So, I’m just adding on to the rant but to let you know that perhaps my clearing the air here has allowed me to actually allow myself to feel something I have never really felt before. Acceptance.
Now, I have friends who are above and beyond the typical description of friends. I have people who I’ve not even met, who I care about and am very interested in their well being. I have friends I’ve met once or twice and who I look forward to reading about their lives, as well as their comments on my own. And while I have these friends…I never felt worthy of them. I can’t explain the feeling exactly and don’t care to try. I think now though, I might have really knocked down a huge wall that didn’t allow feelings to go back and forth for fear that the disapproval was on it’s way.
So, I’m half awake and just came in here to write this down before I forgot. It could be incoherent babble…but who cares? It’s my blog, I can babble if I want to! LOL
I’m going to go eat a bagel and have some coffee now. See you all later today!
:)
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