Why is that? I mean, I get these profound thoughts while I’m doing dishes and am all wet and trying hard to get done so I can go do something else. But if I dry my hands and run to type it up, my brain goes blank as soon as I sit. This also happens while driving, showering, cleaning the kids room, and especially when I’m out at the in-laws and trying desperately to not act like their conversations are disgusting me.
One thing that seems to snap my brain into major thought mode is listening to Nickelback. Every single song brings about some sort of memory, thought, emotion…usually something new each time. I totally dig that band. I alternate between thinking “if only someone could like me that way” (as if in one song or another) and “if only I could be like that…be so bold that I let my emotions out for someone else to see!” I’ve been involved with music my whole life. I’ve had some interesting thoughts about why I need to have music in my world, but I’ll get to that another time. I’ve been in the choir and the orchestra in school. I’ve been in the music world, although always as an observer, no fun and wild shit for me. I’ve met loads of people, I’ve had some really intense conversations in the back seats in the Limelight or L’Amour, and I’ve not regretted any part of my involvement in the music industry, but I could never get into losing control and going nuts. Ok, I did do some modelling of rubber clothes once but I needed the cash, and it was really harmless (unless you count spraining a wrist while trying to get dressed). I’ve always been into the behind the scenes stuff…I could sit backstage and read a book while the band played and be absorbed in both. I love the music, I guess it’s the crowd thing that I just would rather avoid.
My first love ever, of both music and men, was Steve Perry. I got a tape player when I was 9 or 10, which would have been 1979 or 1980. The first time I heard Journey on that thing I was hooked. That voice just touched a spot in my soul. Yes, he was good looking. Yeah, he could move. But oh my GOD! That power and emotion in that voice were what counted. His voice just filled parts of my being that had never been alive before. I thought, “THIS is what I want to do when I get bigger! I HAVE to sing like that!” Well, I’ve mentioned choir. I did some opera theory classes. But, things never seem to go in the direction I would have liked when I was a kid. For some reason or another, I never got that far. I can sing, and I can sing with Steve Perry on the radio. But that’s as far as it got. I still listen to my Steve Perry and Journey tapes and CD’s (when my 7 and 5 year old give them back, that is. They are also hooked and I SWEAR I had nothing to do with it. I had quit listening to music altogether as I was slowly letting my soul shrivel up. They found my old music, pulled it out and now..well, let’s just say, the Steve Perry thing is obviously genetic LOL). Now, I was way obsessed. My mom will tell you, she could tell what mood I was in by what Journey song was blasting out of my room. Steve Perry and Journey have been there to listen to me cry over every breakup I’ve ever gone through. They’ve also been with me when I was fed up, pissed off, or ready to go out and take on the world. I miss those days when all it took was playing a song as loud as possible and singing to it 10 or 20 times in a row to get it all out of your system and make everything alright again. Hell, I can still take a good dose of Steve Perry and have a much better day, it just doesn’t last quite as long anymore.
I’m inclined to continue this, but I’m tired. I haven’t been sleeping well between the cat, the dog and the excessive amount of thunderstorms we have been getting at night. The cat has taken to grooming me while I sleep. I kid you not. She flattens my hair with her paws and then licks it nice and clean. While I’m sleeping. And that little licky sound in my ear makes me just totally bug out. I know she’s being nice but it’s hard to not wake up and tell her to go lick herself, or him, or the dog…just go do it somewhere I can’t hear it. I also feel the hormone fairies coming to visit…I’ve been really nasty the last 4 days or so. So it could be PMS. Anyway, I’m tired. And I have to start preparing for a freaking hurricane tomorrow. As it stands now, we will probably be evacuated. The Governor has issued a state of emergency (from what I understand it was in order to be able to evacuate the Florida Keys) but we might be under a mandatory evacuation by the time the hurricane gets closer. If so, I’m going to mom’s in Clearwater and hopefully she won’t lose power. Part of my prep work is going to be writing down all my damned passwords so I can work from her house. I might pack up my own computer and bring it. I brought it when we got evacuated for Hurricane Charley…I think that might be the best thing to do now that I think of it.
Ok, going to pass out now. More rambling thoughts tomorrow! LOL
:)
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