Cause I am getting tired of doing this alone. One day we are up, one day we are down, one day we are good…I just don’t even have the energy I need to get myself motivated to do what needs to be done. He’s out all day. Which means I can smudge the house in peace, and I can get it back in order. That is just sad that I need him to be gone to make the house liveable. And I can change my motivation in a heartbeat by thinking that he’s not going to be home til very late (and most likely drunk) but I won’t have to be pissed off til late tonight.
He and I had a talk last night. I thought we’d gotten somewhere. I was obviously wrong. I woke up with him mad at me and he took my big pile of paperwork that I needed to make phone calls this morning. Last night we left it at what needed to be done. This morning he must have changed the gameplan and gotten mad at me for it. ??? You know…Sometimes, I don’t really understand my interpretations of his actions. I’m trying to see if I’m seeing what he’s really doing, or am I seeing what my past is translating his actions as. I’m not saying he’s not doing things all wrong by drinking instead of facing reality. And I’m not saying that my opinion of the situation has changed all that much. I am wondering though, how much of this is my responsibility? I’ve been so pissed off that I can’t function for well over 2 years. Possibly longer than that. It’s taken me this long to start questioning his actions to his face. Of course, now I’m just out to get him, or how did he say it? Oh..”Why are you so against me? Everything I say you have to shoot down!” Well, in my own defense, which he didn’t listen to, he’s lost over $250,000 and a business and pretty much any security we might have had in the last 3 years. So maybe I’m sick of him making bad decisions and I’m not going to sit by and say, “whatever you think will work” while my life and my childrens’ lives go down the shitter along with his.
I’m really just confused. And I’m tired.
{insert 30 minute break in here}
I didn’t know Nickelback had video on their site!! Damn. If you are at all into the current album (um, do they even call them that anymore? or is it CD? whatever, it’s always gonna be an album to me) then you can see three videos from it here.
Now, I had sort of a totally different “picture” in my mind when I heard those songs but their version works as well. And I’ve never really actually looked at these guys before. The singer looks very much like my ex. No doubt my ex wishes he were in that position, since that was his life before he turned into a big whimp and married the control freak. But that is for him to blog about, not me. LOL
Ok, got a bit more work to do. I’ve made what I thought to be a simple project into a massive monster. But it’s gonna be great once I get it up and running. I hope my client likes it as much. I have to start getting him some money or he won’t be my client much longer. So, on that note…I’m off…
:)
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