I think I’ve been too damned tired to even post anything

Everyday has been full, the problems are abound.  I sit down in here to work at night and suddenly I’m fighting the urge to just lay down on the floor and sleep.

I’ve got the kids on a better school schedule, although they are quite offended by being pushed harder now.  Too bad.  My oldest is also being pushed in ballet class, too.  She’s older, she can handle more.  I need to push her in a few things around the house as well.  I think I’ve been too easy on them both up til now, mostly because I am so preoccupied with our life going to hell in a hand basket.

So, in short, I’m sort of proud of myself for putting their needs first for a change and not being so self-absorbed by hate and confusion.

I might have been motivated by my in-laws - they did the usual “you are ruining your kids lives by keeping them at home” bullshit last weekend and now I’m just that much more determined to show them how much we can do.  You know, I’m surrounded by people who are just so freaking miserable and try to keep you down so they feel better.  How sick is that?  And his parents have three kids..one is an alcoholic, one has OCD and one is a self-centered drama queen who has been emotionally traumatizing her children for almost 18 years.  And they want to give ME advice???  As if anyone sane would take it???  Freaking loony birds.

And this week they especially pissed me off.  My youngest won’t speak to them.  Actually, both kids will normally not speak to them for quite a while and then start when they warm up, after an hour or so.  My father-in-law is saying, at the table in front of her, that my youngest needs psychological help because she doesn’t talk to them.  I was about to tell him that she doesn’t talk to them because they make her uncomfortable.  They never come see them, they are miserable fuckers and all they do is yell and carry on about how horrible Americans are.  WHY would she like him?  She won’t even talk to her dad.  She hates how he gets and just refuses to have anything to do with him.  I think maybe she’s the only sane one here cause she does what she feels.

These people are vile and hate everything and I see how I was beginning to become like them.

My goal this week is to force myself to see the positive side to everything.  Like instead of being upset that the ceiling fell in on the lanai, I’ll be glad that no one (including turtles that were right under it) got hurt and that it’s not worse than it is.  Maybe by changing how I see things, I can change how I’m viewing this sick, dying relationship that I can’t seem to let go of.

Ok, I’m toast.  Going to bed now.   ‘Nite!!

:)