Self doubt

Meg mentioned something about men that make you doubt yourself.  I really hate it when I realize how much he’s made me doubt myself.  And I’m still doubting myself.  Do I want to make an effort to get our relationship back in some salvagable form?  Is it possible?  Is it worth it?  Can my hatred for him actually be hatred for myself being so stupid?

Sometimes I look at him and think, maybe it’s really been me this whole time.  Then he says something like “Don’t give me any of that crap about you working 24/7, as far as I’m concerned you’ve been retired for years!”  and he says it in front of the kids and my mom just after I’ve come in from making $300 for designing a website template for someone.  I was embarrassed to have my kids see their father be so ignorant and I was feeling pretty sure of myself and he’s damned lucky I didn’t gouge his eyes out with a rusty soup spoon.

Yeah, I know, I’ve ranted about that before.  Oh…you want a new one?  How about “It’s friday morning and you are the mom, and you are SUPPOSED to make me breakfast just because it’s friday and you are the mom.”  Yes, he’s a fucking asshole.  BUT then my beautiful daughter says, “You aren’t doing anything.  Why don’t you make us breakfast?  Mom has to teach us before she goes in to work.  Yes, it would make more sense for you to make us breakfast.”

For some reason he thinks I set them up for those type of comments.  But the little darlings come up with it all on their own!! LOL

They aren’t gonna be depending on any neanderthalish man if i can help it.

Next step is to put my money where my mouth is and just tell him to go live with his mommy if he needs someone to take care of him so badly.  I’m not his maid, his cook or his fucking verbal punching bag.  I’ve had enough.

Now if I only had the nerve….

ok, bedtime.  Night all!!