Pretending to be a human

Mom and I went out today and planned on getting coffee and a roll at the bakery/coffee company by the fabric store that we were headed to.  But the bakery was closed.  Not closed like it hadn’t opened yet.  It was closed.  Period.  Ceiling tiles hanging, outdoor furniture askew…I’m not sure when it happened but it’s a shame.  I did enjoy it the few times I was in there.  It was like a refreshing blast of civilization.  Oh well.  We went to the Barnes and Noble instead.  There is a Starbucks in there where I could at least get a civilized cup of cappucino.  We realized upon entering that we were really there without kids.  We could LOOK at books.  We could read more than the cover review without someone begging to be taken to the kids section or the bathroom.  I also realized that there was a long haired dude…oh yeah, my senses are returning, it would appear.  Now, don’t go thinking I’m out scouting for some fun.  I’ve no intention of ever going that route, but it was just so odd to be aware of a member of the opposite sex.  (and it might be my imagination…but he seemed to be quite aware that I was there as well.  He walked by where we were throughout the store approximately 15 times.  I never see B&N employees walking around that much…or maybe I just never noticed).  So, I’m feeling like…maybe there is some fucking hope for a pleasant life.  I could even get some friends if I didn’t have the fear of being embarrassed to death by the drunk.

I have a million thoughts going through my head right now, but I’m distracted by him having the girls outside with their bikes and I’m really hoping he doesn’t look in my van and see McDonalds wrappers all over.  He’s given the order (in his mostly manly “I’m the king of this castle” voice) that his children are not to have garbage food in their system.  I say, a little junk in moderation is just fine.  Especially when I’m fucking working and cleaning and running them to ballet, gymnastics and whatever else we have to do for school.  I don’t have time to cook a freaking balanced meal three times a day and get everything he expects from me done AND earn the money that we need to support our incredibly out of balance lifestyle.  So, I’m torn between letting him see it, having him confront me and me just getting it out and telling him to stuff his opinion up his ass…and going out and cleaning it while he’s not looking.  God.  You know what?  I’m a bloody wuss.  In print it just looks so much worse than I’ve been rationalizing it all.  I’m going to go hide what I do so he won’t be upset?  EVERYTHING I DO UPSET HIM…Who am I kidding, really?

Ok, they are calling me out to see them ride bikes…I’ll be back later if time permits.

:)