I’m freezing my butt off here

I thought we were in Florida.  Did someone move us way up north while we were sleeping? 

BRRRRRRRRRRRR!

This is just not funny.  I had to close the windows!  AND turn on the heat!!

Ok, that’s all I have to complain about.

See you tomorrow!!

:)

I’m content today

and have nothing to even whine, complain, announce or otherwise fill up my blog.  Ok, maybe I’ll force myself…LOL

I’ve been seriously sick as a dog for about a week and I’m only just trying to catch up.  What a nightmare.  I have over 700 penis enlargement emails in the general inbox.  And some moron keeps IMing me, trying to tell me I need some XP virus scan (his link is included in all his IMs, of course), and that my system has alerted Microsoft that it’s been infected.  Nice try.  I don’t even own any Microsoft software.  I guess that might actually work on someone who owns something other than a Mac.  I thought it was a bot, but…it’s not.  Unless it’s a fucking good bot.  But then if it were THAT good, it’d know I’m using IM software for a Mac and not send me shit I don’t use.  I’m gonna just keep wasting his time by responding in one word responses for a while. Like.. Oh?  How?  Really? 
LOL

Been thinking about my kid going off to Iraq, and now that I’m not sporting a 102 fever while having my period and going through a box of Puffs Plus an hour…I at least stopped crying about it.  That could change.  I’m sort of expecting it to volley back and forth between being proud and being scared to death, until I just settle on being both at once.   I should probably find other moms who have gone through this and see if I should expect a complete breakdown soon…maybe around graduation? 

*sigh*

Ok, going to chug more NyQuil and get some more rest.

OH…yeah…forgot…the hubby and I?  Last week we were on the road to divorce…or jail after I killed him.  Well, after talking to friends, that are just so incredibly good together, about the book (that her hubby went and bought and wanted to discuss with women to clarify some things), “Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus”….I went and got it.  Let me just say that I’m only halfway through it, and hubby is on chapter one (I had lots of time to read when I was bundled up in a blanket on the couch this week), but our relationship has gotten really weird…like…it doesn’t feel like we are trying to get along…we just are.

I had NO idea men thought this way.  And I’m watching his reactions to things and…I think this book is on to something!!  This should be required reading in like, oh…I don’t know….maybe…Fourth grade!!  Anyway, there are many other Mars/Venus books, including…[drum roll please]…how to deal with substance abuse in a relationship.    That will be the next purchase.

Ok, I’m going to jump in bed next to the furnace (hubby) and read til I pass out.

See you all later!!

:)

My son joined the Army today

and then informed me that he’s definitely going to Iraq.

I’m proud of him for doing what he’s wanted to do for years….but I’m scared to death at the same time.

I’m a total wreck today because of the relationship thing, so I might be swaying on the whole Army thing for a few days before it really sinks in.

:P

I’ve officially joined a forum of people married to or living with alcohol dependent people…

…so I can vent somewhere new.  LOL  And does that mean things will get better here?  Hell no.

It simply means that I need some sort of clue about what my next move is.  How I handle this with the kids.  How I get him to leave the house and if he doesn’t being prepared to gather my kids and go.  I have places to go.  I have people willing to help me.

Why am I still here then?

That is the million dollar question.

I have no idea what the answer is.

Tornado Pics

These pictures are of the damage left behind by the tornado that touched down north of us. 

Having grown up in NY and NJ, my husband thinks I’m overreacting when I show my kids what a tornado can do, and I teach them what to do in a “Tornado Warning” and a “Tornado Watch”.  Explaining the sounds a tornado makes, the way it can suddenly suck the air out of a spot so it’s really quiet and still and the way hail proceeds a tornado are things that I was taught while growing up in KC.  Along with regular fire drills, we did tornado drills in school.  As much as I learned to respect tornados, I wasn’t terrified of them.  Being terrified in a tornado is a good way to get yourself, and possibly others, killed.  I also know that they can hit when and wherever the conditions are right and there is no reason to live your life in fear of them.  If they are gonna hit, you can’t stop it.  YOU CAN, however, be prepared.  You can get to a safe place, you can listen, you can be aware and you can try to save your and your families lives.
So, these pics show some of the damage that can occur during a tornado.  It’s sobering, and it’s a good reason to find out where your “safe place” is and take a minute to figure out what you should do in the event they flash that big red “Tornado Warning” banner on your tv.

T - 56 minutes and there is no one to share it with!!!!

Endeavor is scheduled to launch in less than an hour and everyone here is sleeping so I can’t share my excitement with anyone.

What a total bummer.

I love watching shuttle launches and landings.  Living right across the state from Cape Canaveral makes that a fairly simple thing to do.  We can see launches from my living room window.  It’s pretty damned sweet.

To top off the whole bummer situation…it’s cloudy.

*sigh*

OH well…I’ll settle for a safe launch and watching it on Nasa TV.  As long as they get through this mission safely, then I will consider myself lucky to get to watch it at all.

ok, going to watch final launch procedures (I’m so fucking excited I almost can’t type!!!)
and for the record it’s now T - 52 minutes….

bye!!!!!

:D

We are back with…

One blue ribbon, 6 red ribbons, 1 white and 1 green (we won’t be discussing that green one…ooookay?  LOL)

After laying in bed thinking about everything I need to do, and listening to the drunk one snore in his peaceful sleep…I got up at 4 feeling like I’d never gone to bed.  I sort of hadn’t.  I think I took a few cat naps.  I got up, got ready, made breakfast, woke girls up and we were on our way.

We were the first ones there, which is like…a miracle!  We are always late.  It was pretty cool.

The girls competed, survived despite their fears, and got awards and t-shirts and had the biggest smiles EVER on their faces as they were called in front of the whole gym to be presented with their ribbons.

We stuck around for Level 3 girls to compete and then we all went to lunch.

We also drove the girls around the town, which is where I lived at one time.  There are lots of cool things in Lakeland, despite it’s many somewhat run-down areas.  We went looking for the swans on Lake Morton and saw quite a few.   We showed them 2 places I used to live and where I used to work, well..the lot I used to work in, the building has been demolished and rebuilt as something else.

Now, I’m more exhausted than I’ve ever been in my life and think I might just go eat dinner and pass out.
See you all later!!

We survived the storms :)

And I have to get up in like…3 hours to drive to the gymnastics meet.  But I can’t sleep.

I’m furious.

I can’t even say I’m mad at anyone else now.  I’m furious with myself.  How did I let things get so incredibly fucked up here?  I feel like I’m living in a fog.  Or I’m a zombie that sort of knows what it’s supposed to do and just keeps going through the motions.

Enough already!!!

As much as I can’t stand the idea of doing it, I’m really considering going to an Al-Anon meeting (I’m not sure the difference in their beliefs and mine will not be too distracting at this point).  I might be going for the wrong reasons though.  I keep feeling like I have to prove that I did all I could.  That I went through all the right steps.  But, as my friends have pointed out, I didn’t freaking do anything wrong!  I didn’t break the relationship up by alienating my family!  I didn’t CHOOSE to drink over having a healthy relationship.  IT’S NOT MY FREAKING FAULT!!!  And I’m not going to change anything he does by going to counseling and Al-Anon or even by begging him. It’s beyond my abilities to make any changes to his behavior.

I’ve been researching all night, and when I get back, just as a “first shot over the bow” kind of thing…I’m printing up a bunch of resources for alcoholics, from local therapists to online support groups, and giving it to him.  THEN I will give him a few weeks while I work on my escape plan.  I don’t want an escape plan.  I don’t think the girls and I should have to give up our home and everything we have here because HE has a problem, but if that is how it has to be, then fine.  We’ll get the hell out.

In three weeks, I’ll see what he’s done to make a change.  And fuck all that sneaking shit.  I’m gonna go through his fucking office and leave notes on his “stash” bottles.  He’s so fucking clueless because this shit has rotted his brains.  He thinks I can’t tell.  He’s only kidding himself.  He’s so obvious that it’s not funny.

If he’s made no effort or not enough of an effort, we are out of here.

30 days after that, if he’s still not made an effort, I’m filing for divorce.  I have a lawyer already.  And he’s free.  I just have to pay the court and filing fees.  I have a place or two to go while this is all going on.

I have no more excuses.

But I just wish things could just be good.  I wish things could be normal.  I wish my kids weren’t so upset that they were sick all the time.  I wish I weren’t so angry all the time.

I wish…yeah, that will get me real far.

Time to stand up and be an adult.  Time to do what is right, no matter how painful.  I’m going to stop allowing this shit to go on around my family.  If he wants to do it, he can do it when he’s all alone.

ok, going to bed now.

See you all after the competition and drive home…

have a great day!!!

:)

Just to prove my point…

We are now under a tornado watch until 7pm.

I told you the weather sucked today!! 


Too bad I have no interior rooms with no windows in this house.  You’d think with as many tornados as we get and no basements…builders would have considered that and made a “safe room” in the center of the house.

Oh well.  We were considering getting gymnastics mats for the girls to use at home…now I’m thinking they’d be a great thing to use if we do happen to have a tornado here.  Just jump in the tub with the kids and pull the mat over us…

Of course, I don’t even know if they have sirens here for that.  In KC, we had sirens.  In addition to being in your basement, if you heard a siren…you hit the deck…but Florida seems to be dismally unprepared for such things.

Well, I hope everyone stays safe!  We’ll be zooming to gymnastics practice shortly.  My brain is already in tornado mode so at the first sign of hail, bizarre changes in pressure, funnel clouds…anything, we are parking and heading for a safe place.

I might not be back in here til the end of the weekend because I’ll be prepping for and then recovering from the competition…so everyone have a great weekend and I’ll talk to you when I return!

Meg:  I know you are busy over there so whenever you a chance to call is fine.  I hope things are going as smoothly as possible for you.

:)

The weather here sucks today

it’s cold, wet and windy.  I guess cold is relative though, since I noticed on Meg’s blog that it’s hot here.  And yes, Meg, for some reason every person I know over 65 keeps that damned Air Conditioning off no matter how hot it is outside.  I think that kids and old folks have something wrong with their thermostats.  Kids never think it’s too hot or cold and old folks always think it’s cold, even when it’s 90 degrees.

As for actual, real, provable heat, I can deal with the that.  In fact, I like heat.  However, I hate the humidity.  Everything I touched was wet this morning.  The floor was just gross (ceramic tile and moisture do not mix well - the dog slid out of the house when she tried to run to the back door.)  My office chair was even damp and I had to jump up and grab a towel to sit on.  I’m sure it’s not helping my computer by being damp.

The worst part of the weather is the allergies.  My head is just ready to blow up.  My daughter is also feeling the pain.  Things never stop blooming here, it’s a nightmare!  When I was stuck “Up North” (that’s the proper term, isn’t it?) I never had allergy problems, or if I did they were barely noticeable.  After living all over the country and all of a sudden having my system assaulted by things that never bothered it before, I began to wonder…why now?  Mom says that she also started this type of reaction at about my age when we lived in Kansas City and it was just as bad.  So maybe it’s an age thing?
Speaking of age and heredity, I also seem to be following mom on the hormone path as well.  I have been noticing when I ovulate for the last year or so.  I mean, there are cramps and major ickyness and I am just tired as can be.  I never ever noticed ovulation before.  My period is, however, not that big of a deal.  Ok, maybe the week before I’m just a touch bitchy.     But it’s much less of a hassle than others I have heard discuss it.

I have to get some work done this morning and I’m just too tired to do it but i thought I’d get work done while the girls have been given a day off from school (by me) to prepare for tomorrow’s gymnastics meet.  The oldest is nervous as hell.  I don’t know what to do to make her feel better.  I tried explaining that she was not the only one who fell off the bars at the last meet, and that it was actually quite common, but she doesn’t want to hear it.  She’s going, I won’t let her out of it just because she’s nervous or scared. She always enjoys herself once we get there so we just have to listen to her whine all the way there (over an hour in the car starting at 5am - this is gonna be fun )  We have a new saying when discussing this stuff lately and I’m trying to get her to keep it in her head…”Remember, being BRAVE means you are scared but do it anyway”

I have a few things I say all the time, but I never really think they are listening…you know how it is with kids.  Anyway, when my husband says, “That’s impossible!”  in response to being asked for something…both of them yell, “Nothing’s Impossible!!” from wherever they are in the house.   I have been telling them that for their whole life.  Now I know that’s not quite accurate but if my girls can start life off with that attitude, then I see no harm in it.  And yes, we’ve discussed how sometimes the probability of an event occurring is incredibly unlikely, but they usually ask something like, “how we can say anything is impossible if we can’t prove it…sometimes there might be a way to make something possible that no one has ever tried before…so you always have to try.  You never know when you might see the right way to make it happen.”

My kids are soooo cool!! LOL

Now I’m really going to work…talk to you all later!!

:)