Wow! I am so totally and completely depressed right now

I woke up with this unshakable misery stuck to me today.

My kid is off in Harrisburg, PA getting sworn into the Army this morning and I could not avoid the article about the 23 year old who lives in my town that got killed a week before coming home from Iraq to get married.  So now his family is planning his funeral instead of his wedding.  That was disturbing but I kept shutting it out.  Maybe it got back in while I was sleeping?

I also woke up to hubby storming around huffing and puffing about how miserable he is.  Well, that could have rubbed off on me.

He also made the most hideous pot of coffee ever this morning so I’ve not had coffee.  He just left so I may dump it and make my own.  Or I’ll just drink Red Bull.

He’s back to running on pure emotion and it’s bad. This is where things go terribly wrong.  Like we got a letter from the power company a few days ago.  He didn’t bother to open it.  It’s a shut off notice.  For today.  So if I disappear, you know where I went.    He does this though, and now I’m also stuck here with no food because he’s so absorbed in his misery that he’s failed to notice that I said we were out of vitals a few dozen times.  So the girls are eating Ramen and dry cereal.

We also have to go to the dentist and the vet today.  I have NO money.  I was working all freaking day yesterday on quotes for people but no one ever wants to commit.  People don’t get it.  A quote takes time.  That is non-billable time if they don’t want the job.  But they keep asking for more and more things, then sit on it for weeks.  I don’t mind them doing their research, shopping around, but it’s frustrating when they never intended to spend money in the first place.  I get, “Oh! I wasn’t going to spend THAT much!”  alot.  I have a price list online…why are they shocked when I give them a quote??  And my prices are very reasonable.  I should be charging twice what I do.   Maybe I just need to stop giving quotes and send them to the price page of my site and tell them to add it up themselves.  And anything extra that is not listed…well, I’ll figure that out after I get a deposit.

It’s really not my clients faults that I’m broke.  I’m just being bitchy today.  I should be charging twice what I do.  That is my own fault.

Ok, gotta get the kid to dentist.  See you all later!

I just can’t kick this funk

Things are going better between hubby and I.  My kid is finally on his way to fulfilling his dream he’s had since he was like 9.  My girls are happier with the home life situation.

There are things that could be better.  We are in foreclosure.  The taxes are now officially late.  My truck is supposed to get repo’d.  My server might be turned off at any time.

And normally…that shit just doesn’t phase me.  No one is dying, so it’s all ok.  But today I’m just realizing…I’ve been in a wicked funk for weeks and just can not shake it.

Being sick for a few weeks was the source of my funk til now.  Or so I thought.  But I think I was wrong.
I’m gonna go paint and hopefully that will help me.  That’s all I really want to do lately.  Paint and create art for my gallery.  Too bad it’s not something that pays the bills.

I’m content today

and have nothing to even whine, complain, announce or otherwise fill up my blog.  Ok, maybe I’ll force myself…LOL

I’ve been seriously sick as a dog for about a week and I’m only just trying to catch up.  What a nightmare.  I have over 700 penis enlargement emails in the general inbox.  And some moron keeps IMing me, trying to tell me I need some XP virus scan (his link is included in all his IMs, of course), and that my system has alerted Microsoft that it’s been infected.  Nice try.  I don’t even own any Microsoft software.  I guess that might actually work on someone who owns something other than a Mac.  I thought it was a bot, but…it’s not.  Unless it’s a fucking good bot.  But then if it were THAT good, it’d know I’m using IM software for a Mac and not send me shit I don’t use.  I’m gonna just keep wasting his time by responding in one word responses for a while. Like.. Oh?  How?  Really? 
LOL

Been thinking about my kid going off to Iraq, and now that I’m not sporting a 102 fever while having my period and going through a box of Puffs Plus an hour…I at least stopped crying about it.  That could change.  I’m sort of expecting it to volley back and forth between being proud and being scared to death, until I just settle on being both at once.   I should probably find other moms who have gone through this and see if I should expect a complete breakdown soon…maybe around graduation? 

*sigh*

Ok, going to chug more NyQuil and get some more rest.

OH…yeah…forgot…the hubby and I?  Last week we were on the road to divorce…or jail after I killed him.  Well, after talking to friends, that are just so incredibly good together, about the book (that her hubby went and bought and wanted to discuss with women to clarify some things), “Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus”….I went and got it.  Let me just say that I’m only halfway through it, and hubby is on chapter one (I had lots of time to read when I was bundled up in a blanket on the couch this week), but our relationship has gotten really weird…like…it doesn’t feel like we are trying to get along…we just are.

I had NO idea men thought this way.  And I’m watching his reactions to things and…I think this book is on to something!!  This should be required reading in like, oh…I don’t know….maybe…Fourth grade!!  Anyway, there are many other Mars/Venus books, including…[drum roll please]…how to deal with substance abuse in a relationship.    That will be the next purchase.

Ok, I’m going to jump in bed next to the furnace (hubby) and read til I pass out.

See you all later!!

:)

My son joined the Army today

and then informed me that he’s definitely going to Iraq.

I’m proud of him for doing what he’s wanted to do for years….but I’m scared to death at the same time.

I’m a total wreck today because of the relationship thing, so I might be swaying on the whole Army thing for a few days before it really sinks in.

:P