which way do I look at it?

I was discussing the drunk with a person I work with last night and they said something interesting.  They feel that contrary to what I was thinking, a persons true self is the one you see when the shit hits the fan.  And I have to admit, I think they are right and I was wrong.  The person the drunk used to be was carefree, adventurous, and exciting because he had never had to deal with adversity!  He’d never had to pull himself up by his bootstraps and keep going even when there seemed to be no hope.  He got that rude awakening shortly after I moved in with him, when he started losing his restaurant to the landlord that didn’t want to renew the lease (at least that is how I remember it, I could be making this memory in his favor when it might not really be).  I should have really seen my future then.  He came completely unglued, not unlike his behaviour now.  I attributed it to “stress” and blah, blah, blah…I never thought that I was seeing the true character of this man.  I had an opportunity that I totally missed.  But then, I’d not have my two awesome incredibly wonderful daughters if I had taken that opportunity and run like hell.  At least I’m guessing I’d never have had them…what if we were all just destined to be together and I couldn’t help them do what they have to do if I hadn’t stuck around and gone through what I’ve gone through in order to be who i am now?  In a convoluted way that sort of makes sense.  Right now.  I might come back later and wonder how I ever thought that sentence was coherent, but…whatever.

I’m behind on work because I’m giving too much energy to this shit.  I’ll be back after I’ve done something to earn some money.

Oh, and did I mention he’s forcing me to pay the mortgage (we are about $1300 short on it right now) and we have no gifts for Christmas?  AND he doesn’t think the loser he works for will pay him his whole check next week.

I think that we need to reevaluate our priorities and make a new game plan.  He, on the other hand, will start breaking things and totally blow a gasket if I even mention the idea of paying our mortgage past the last day of the grace period (today).

and now…I’m really going to work.  Really.

:)