What to do next…

so he’s still not speaking to me.  I got a quick “bye” this morning.  Am I supposed to be upset?  I’m not sure yet.

I’m fluxuating between slight feelings of hopelessness and being completely pissed off.  Who am I pissed at?  Me mostly.  I let this get this far and it ticks me off that I didn’t have the guts to do something ages ago.  But, it’s not ages ago anymore, it’s today.  And today I am doing something about it.  I just don’t know what.  What do I do next?  Do I ask him to go to counseling as I had planned last night?  I am certain he won’t go, but do I ask out of obligation to a relationship that I promised to do my best in?  And when are we no longer “obligated” to keep trying?

The part that now is my primary concern is the girls.  They are clueless to the current goings-on.  That is purely due to the fact that they have company over.  Normally, they’d have picked up on this the minute bad vibes started shooting around the house.  They are both incredibly perceptive which will make lying to them a very bad thing to do.  I’ll have to talk to them later today, after their friend goes home. They at least need to know that they are not responsible for ANY of the bad feelings their dad and I are feeling.  They are gonna need lots of extra hugs in the next few months I think. And I know how the dreaded talk that I will have with them, unfortunately.  My son handled his father and I breaking up fairly well, only because we both acted like adults and cared more about our son than about our selves.  That was 17 years ago and he is still speaking to me, daily, a few times a day (which is more than he spoke to me when he was still living at home LOL ).  He’s not too messed up of an adult. Hey! He went and gave blood the other day!  I am so proud!! Ok, I’ve veered off the subject a bit haven’t I? Sorry.

I guess if I’m thinking of all this, then I see no real hope for the future of the relationship.  That is a very sad thing.

I have more thoughts but I also have three little girls running around, breakfast dishes to wash and a coffee to locate (I swear it grows legs and hides on me every chance it gets). I have to go get some stuff done.

:)