I went back to the festival tonight and got two cd’s from the musicians we heard last night. I loved it. (I’m trying to think of something profound to say, since I feel this music and the whole experience last night was what opened the beforementioned door in my soul that had been locked a long time ago - but I’m really tired, my eyes are hurting and I think I have to go sleep)
The musicians were a group that have a CD together as well as individual projects: Arvel Bird, and Arvel Bird and One Nation are the websites with more information about them. There are a couple of songs to download on either site. After my eyes stop burning I’ll see if I can find the other musicians individual sites (if they have them).
I got the kids in bed and came in here and put the first cd in the computer and finished a website design I had started earlier today. Shortly before I finished it I started getting ideas for some paintings. Keep in mind I haven’t painted in um…well…I have no idea how long. I’ve painted for clients but for myself? Actually, I’d have to say that I’ve never really painted for myself. I have canvases that were started before I got a computer. They’ll most likely remain in their current state until I either toss them or give them to mom to paint over for her own art. So, I got inspired, I opened Photoshop and I started painting. I have to say that it’s not bad. It’s not done, but I can see that it’s coming along almost where it should be. I painted through 2 playings of one CD (Animal Totems) and 1 playing of the other CD (Animal Totems 2). I’m sure if someone had come to the office door they’d have been quite amazed by my enthusiasm. I was just going to town. I think I need to do that daily.
I am grateful for the chance to go yesterday, I really believe it was where I needed to be. I plan on going back as often as possible while they are here. I want my daughters to see the dancers, hear stories, learn as much as possible in the short amount of time the opportunity is here. I admit that right now, they have been more interested in hanging out with their friends. I am going to try to take them without anyone else so they won’t be distracted. I think they’d have fun.
As for the other problem…I’m trying to keep the courage to do what I need to do. I know that the universe will set the stage if it’s what I truly want, I just have to show up and do my part. But…Why can’t this be simple? Hell, for that matter, why does he have to be an alcoholic? I’m sure he thinks this should have just blown over by now. I’m supposed to just pretend that he’s not blaming me for our situation. That he’s not downright nasty and venomous when he lets me know it’s all my fault. I’m supposed to forget that I won’t discuss anything with him without a counselor to act as my witness…or that he’s been given an ultimatum. I’m supposed to bow down and act like woman (or at least his ass backward idea of what a woman should be). Well buddy, we aren’t in the 1500’s anymore and the women in my family don’t bow to anyone. The women in my family catch wild horses with their bare hands and ride the hogs that got loose from their pen back after catching them with articles of clothing. He’s got another thing coming if he thinks I’m like his own mother. He’s unaware that I’ve found my own warrior spirit again…and I’m NOT bowing. I’m going to protect my family from what I see as a danger. I’m not going to back down. I never did before I met him, and I am sorry that I was temporarily a big chicken. If you call 15 years temporary :-p But now…I am strong, I am independent and I am pissed. I’ve also begun to change back into who I was…I am no longer a headstrong stubborn donkey being dragged through life. I am, once again, a determined and confident horse that has a place and a purpose in this world. I will always remember that the horse is my medicine.
Now I really HAVE to go to sleep. If I don’t I’ll start painting again…and it’s already 3:30am. The girls get up way too early to stay up til 8am painting. :-)
So I will see you all tomorrow.
Goodnight
:)
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