Today I went to help my mom with some filing at the law office she works at. She needed help, she offered money and the use of her car so I could go see the girls (my car is still in California) so I went.
As I was sorting through endless piles of pleadings, I started to see a pattern in some of the attachments. There were lots of pages of printouts of text messages. And they ALL could have been written by my ex. Holy Crap. They were identical to something he would have said. And they weren't all men that were the obvious aggressors here...some were women. I was shocked. I mean, I'm the only one who had to go through that bullshit....still go through that bullshit. Right? Apparently not. Who knew? I sure as hell didn't!
That really did strike a chord with me. I'm not alone. I know people tell you that you aren't the only one, everyone goes through similar stuff, etc. But to hear that and to understand that are two different things. Today I understood it.
Showing posts with label life after divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life after divorce. Show all posts
Friday, September 07, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
He's freaking nuts. There's no other explanation.
Now that we are officially divorced, I think he's finally grasping the concept that he has NO control over my world.
Let me back up a little, to explain how I came to that realization.
Before the school year began last year, he needed at least one utility in his name so he could register the girls. All our bills were in my name because he'd destroyed his own credit so bad, there was no hope of getting accounts in his name. So I called Progress Energy, who said they could not do that, he'd have to get his own account. Ok, next! I called Verizon, who said "No problem". I gave them his name, and supposedly they changed it. He registered the girls so I thought it all worked out.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. He said Verizon was still in my name and needed to be changed. Huh? Ok...I'd try again when I get a minute. Then I got a call from Progress Energy thanking me for opening a new account. Double HUH? Apparently he opened his own account but it's still linked to my name and my phone. He said he fixed it, but we'll see.
So today I get this incoherent ranting about the Verizon account and how I screwed everything up and I never did anything I was supposed and blah blah blah. How he's the only one who considers our daughters, he's the only one who does what he's supposed to, he's the only one being responsible.
He's delusional.
This man has never done anything that wasn't going to benefit him in some way. What does he get out of being responsible for the girls? Everyone sees him doing it and thinks he's SuperDad. What if everyone heard how he was talking to my daughters the other night when he didn't know I was on Skype with them? God, I wish I had a recording device, that shit would be ALL over Facebook, Twitter, everywhere I could broadcast it. No one should speak to another human like that, and especially not your child! What if everyone could see his drunk, snoring, disgusting body laying in the middle of the living room floor where he's passed out, and his kids have to step over him to get anywhere in the house?
Yes, he's delusional. He can pretend to be whatever he wants to be...but my kids know the truth. And really, that's the only people on earth that matter.
Oh, and while I'm already ranting, he's also under the impression I'm some completely incompetent moron. If I'm incompetent, why is his world falling apart now that I'm gone? Who the hell was holding it all together for the last 17 years?? What a freaking train wreck!
He's also now asking me about my car, he wants to see my repair records and verification that it's safe to operate. Does he really want to go that route? I think not. His car is a nightmare, and the house he lives in? It's disgusting, too small for 3 people and falling apart.
So, as we go along and the girls and I enjoy life and build a future and learn and explore and LIVE....I have a feeling he's going to spiral out of control and who knows where this will land? My ex-friend (who supplied lots of lies to support my ex's attacks on me after I left him) used to be convinced he'd kill me and the girls when he finally lost control. I guess I'll just have to be vigilant and see what happens.
Let me back up a little, to explain how I came to that realization.
Before the school year began last year, he needed at least one utility in his name so he could register the girls. All our bills were in my name because he'd destroyed his own credit so bad, there was no hope of getting accounts in his name. So I called Progress Energy, who said they could not do that, he'd have to get his own account. Ok, next! I called Verizon, who said "No problem". I gave them his name, and supposedly they changed it. He registered the girls so I thought it all worked out.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. He said Verizon was still in my name and needed to be changed. Huh? Ok...I'd try again when I get a minute. Then I got a call from Progress Energy thanking me for opening a new account. Double HUH? Apparently he opened his own account but it's still linked to my name and my phone. He said he fixed it, but we'll see.
So today I get this incoherent ranting about the Verizon account and how I screwed everything up and I never did anything I was supposed and blah blah blah. How he's the only one who considers our daughters, he's the only one who does what he's supposed to, he's the only one being responsible.
He's delusional.
This man has never done anything that wasn't going to benefit him in some way. What does he get out of being responsible for the girls? Everyone sees him doing it and thinks he's SuperDad. What if everyone heard how he was talking to my daughters the other night when he didn't know I was on Skype with them? God, I wish I had a recording device, that shit would be ALL over Facebook, Twitter, everywhere I could broadcast it. No one should speak to another human like that, and especially not your child! What if everyone could see his drunk, snoring, disgusting body laying in the middle of the living room floor where he's passed out, and his kids have to step over him to get anywhere in the house?
Yes, he's delusional. He can pretend to be whatever he wants to be...but my kids know the truth. And really, that's the only people on earth that matter.
Oh, and while I'm already ranting, he's also under the impression I'm some completely incompetent moron. If I'm incompetent, why is his world falling apart now that I'm gone? Who the hell was holding it all together for the last 17 years?? What a freaking train wreck!
He's also now asking me about my car, he wants to see my repair records and verification that it's safe to operate. Does he really want to go that route? I think not. His car is a nightmare, and the house he lives in? It's disgusting, too small for 3 people and falling apart.
So, as we go along and the girls and I enjoy life and build a future and learn and explore and LIVE....I have a feeling he's going to spiral out of control and who knows where this will land? My ex-friend (who supplied lots of lies to support my ex's attacks on me after I left him) used to be convinced he'd kill me and the girls when he finally lost control. I guess I'll just have to be vigilant and see what happens.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
The small things don't matter
As the tornado of emotion dissipates, you find yourself sitting on the outside watching those that thrive on chaos and feed off of others despair...and wondering why you let these vampires suck the life out of you for so long. They throw out tendrils barbed with triggers they know will engage you...but only so long as you accept those triggers. Eventually, you have to decide: Shit? Or get off the pot?
The truth that I imagine I knew all along has come out about not only Tom but others, and I realize that they require misery and dysfunction in their world. That is a sad way to live.
So, while my life might not be perfect and it's far from successful, I know that the path I'm on is the right one for me at the moment. It's the path I need to take to give my daughters what they will need in the future. My kids all know that they are my reason for living, and that I'm doing everything I can to fix the mistakes I've made in the past. No one else matters.
The truth that I imagine I knew all along has come out about not only Tom but others, and I realize that they require misery and dysfunction in their world. That is a sad way to live.
So, while my life might not be perfect and it's far from successful, I know that the path I'm on is the right one for me at the moment. It's the path I need to take to give my daughters what they will need in the future. My kids all know that they are my reason for living, and that I'm doing everything I can to fix the mistakes I've made in the past. No one else matters.
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