Finding out you aren't alone

Today I went to help my mom with some filing at the law office she works at.  She needed help, she offered money and the use of her car so I could go see the girls (my car is still in California) so I went. 

As I was sorting through endless piles of pleadings, I started to see a pattern in some of the attachments.  There were lots of pages of printouts of text messages.  And they ALL could have been written by my ex.  Holy Crap.  They were identical to something he would have said.  And they weren't all men that were the obvious aggressors here...some were women.  I was shocked.  I mean, I'm the only one who had to go through that bullshit....still go through that bullshit.  Right?  Apparently not.  Who knew?  I sure as hell didn't! 

That really did strike a chord with me.  I'm not alone.  I know people tell you that you aren't the only one, everyone goes through similar stuff, etc.  But to hear that and to understand that are two different things.  Today I understood it. 

He's freaking nuts. There's no other explanation.

Now that we are officially divorced, I think he's finally grasping the concept that he has NO control over my world. 

Let me back up a little, to explain how I came to that realization.

Before the school year began last year, he needed at least one utility in his name so he could register the girls.  All our bills were in my name because he'd destroyed his own credit so bad, there was no hope of getting accounts in his name.  So I called Progress Energy, who said they could not do that, he'd have to get his own account.  Ok, next!  I called Verizon, who said "No problem".  I gave them his name, and supposedly they changed it.  He registered the girls so I thought it all worked out. 

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago.  He said Verizon was still in my name and needed to be changed.  Huh?  Ok...I'd try again when I get a minute.  Then I got a call from Progress Energy thanking me for opening a new account.  Double HUH?  Apparently he opened his own account but it's still linked to my name and my phone.  He said he fixed it, but we'll see.

So today I get this incoherent ranting about the Verizon account and how I screwed everything up and I never did anything I was supposed and blah blah blah.  How he's the only one who considers our daughters, he's the only one who does what he's supposed to, he's the only one being responsible. 

He's delusional. 

This man has never done anything that wasn't going to benefit him in some way.  What does he get out of being responsible for the girls? Everyone sees him doing it and thinks he's SuperDad.  What if everyone heard how he was talking to my daughters the other night when he didn't know I was on Skype with them?  God, I wish I had a recording device, that shit would be ALL over Facebook, Twitter, everywhere I could broadcast it.  No one should speak to another human like that, and especially not your child!  What if everyone could see his drunk, snoring, disgusting body laying in the middle of the living room floor where he's passed out, and his kids have to step over him to get anywhere in the house?

Yes, he's delusional.  He can pretend to be whatever he wants to be...but my kids know the truth.  And really, that's the only people on earth that matter.


Oh, and while I'm already ranting, he's also under the impression I'm some completely incompetent moron.  If I'm incompetent, why is his world falling apart now that I'm gone?  Who the hell was holding it all together for the last 17 years??  What a freaking train wreck! 

He's also now asking me about my car, he wants to see my repair records and verification that it's safe to operate.  Does he really want to go that route?  I think not.  His car is a nightmare, and the house he lives in?  It's disgusting, too small for 3 people and falling apart. 


So, as we go along and the girls and I enjoy life and build a future and learn and explore and LIVE....I have a feeling he's going to spiral out of control and who knows where this will land?  My ex-friend (who supplied lots of lies to support my ex's attacks on me after I left him) used to be convinced he'd kill me and the girls when he finally lost control.  I guess I'll just have to be vigilant and see what happens.

I need an interpreter

A few weeks ago Tom asked me to send him a bill for the design work I had done on his websites and the art for his business cards and brochures...so I did.  I also included his website hosting bill.  He never responded.  I was too busy to go chase him so I just waited.  Then the deadline for paying the hosting came and went and I did what he would have done himself.  I suspended the service.  I pay for his bandwidth, and I can't afford to pay so he can earn money and not pay his bills.  Yes, I know I'm sounding like him now.  I'm sure that was his reasoning when he called and cancelled my car insurance.  Yes, I could have called him and asked if he was going to pay it and when and then maybe given him a little more time to pay it, but I also have deadlines, so he would only get a few days.  Of course, he could have called me and said can you get your car insurance all set up before the date this one renews so I can take my bank account off the insurance autopay?  That would have been lovely.  It would also have saved me a lot of money and hassle. But that's never been his way of doing things.  He's a control freak, he is always right and he always does things his way.  So I decided to play things his way.  His deadline came, and ok...I waited another 2 weeks almost (I'm always optimistic that people will see the right way to do things and change their ways), after 2 weeks with no payment, I turned off his email and websites.  He asked what it would take to get them back on.  I told him $60, just like the invoice I sent said. 

So...does he send me $60 to cover his bill?  Does he ask if I can wait another week?  Does he try to even be reasonable?  Nope!  He simply tells me he's turning off my cell phone.

See?  He doesn't pay his bill, I do what he would have done, what any business would have done, and he finds another way to make it not his fault and he'll punish me for having the nerve to do business in a normal manner. 

He's a vindictive horrible person. 

And it gets better.

Me, being the moron I am, talk to him and turn his sites back on (without being paid yet) because it's going to hurt his business, blah blah...whatever.  Anyway, I turn them back on.  Then we discuss the invoice I sent weeks ago (that he still says he never got and that I have since sent a new copy to the new email  he set up).  He went through the list and told me to send a new invoice with just a few hand picked items on there.  He also asked exactly when the hosting had to be paid.  Originally it was 11-1-11, but I covered that for him, now I told him 11-17-11, but if he was having a hard time paying that 11-25-11 was the final date to pay before it would all get shut off.  He was fine on the phone.   Oh, and I also let him know that I had updated my change of address and was now getting the electric bill and verizon bill, since they were still in my name.  I explained that all I did was change my address to get my own mail, not try to get his bills, but that I'd be happy to send information as it came in.  He was definitely a little weird about that...but what difference is it if I get my mail?  Unless he's doing stuff in my name?  Hmmmmmmm...

Anyway, he immediately called his lawyer regarding the bills (don't ask how I know, I have my sources) and then when I sent a follow up to the invoice for the hosting and other stuff, he sent back an email saying he didn't respond to extortion.  WTF???  Why would he talk on the phone with me, work out what he could afford, have me send an invoice for just those items, and then tell me it's extortion?? He's freaking nuts!!! 

I have learned a little bit during this last week.  I send copies of everything I send him to his lawyer.  I also include Tom's responses.  Let his lawyer see how insane he really is...

My 12 year old drama queen has done it again!

Once again, my 12 year old has disrupted two households with her drama.  She didn't do her homework, so her sister, dad, myself and everyone in between has to hear her scream bloody murder about how she has to have it done, how she doesn't have the instructions, and how it isn't her fault that she didn't do it.

Somehow these evenings often correspond with immature and harassing text messages from her father to me.  I wonder if that is a coincident, or not?

Anyway...now I'm sitting here waiting for someone to call me back.  I've been hung up on twice...once by the 12 year old, the other time I'm not sure who hung up.  My poor 10 year old is in the middle of this insanity and I just want to fly in, scoop them both up and bring them here were they can be themselves without the guilt and chaos that is their life there.


*sigh*

Ok, got a call back.  Apparently the 12 year old got so worked up she vomited all over her bed.   She called me back saying she couldn't get up because she was dizzy and he was in the living room not doing anything about it.  (He did eventually wander in to change the sheets, for the record.  Or at least he said he was doing that.  There was a lot of him yelling about gross things on their floor and how they were horrible slobs, etc. so he might not have actually done it.  I don't know for sure.)

Anyway, I just finished reading to them, and everyone is asleep.  I have a headache and I'm going to go find some food...