As the tornado of emotion dissipates, you find yourself sitting on the outside watching those that thrive on chaos and feed off of others despair...and wondering why you let these vampires suck the life out of you for so long. They throw out tendrils barbed with triggers they know will engage you...but only so long as you accept those triggers. Eventually, you have to decide: Shit? Or get off the pot?
The truth that I imagine I knew all along has come out about not only Tom but others, and I realize that they require misery and dysfunction in their world. That is a sad way to live.
So, while my life might not be perfect and it's far from successful, I know that the path I'm on is the right one for me at the moment. It's the path I need to take to give my daughters what they will need in the future. My kids all know that they are my reason for living, and that I'm doing everything I can to fix the mistakes I've made in the past. No one else matters.
Showing posts with label being positive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label being positive. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Why do we let others feelings matter?
I sometimes wonder, "Why do I let anyone else's needs, wants, or opinions control my life?" And by "anyone" I mean those who are obviously quite against my current life path.
The world is such an amazing place with so much to explore and learn...I think I'm done wasting my time with those who choose to live in their own negative vacuum.
Life is good today....
The world is such an amazing place with so much to explore and learn...I think I'm done wasting my time with those who choose to live in their own negative vacuum.
Life is good today....
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
How to Be Happier - 7 Steps to Contentment
(This isn’t mine…I just found it on a site I frequently visit, the Good News Network, and wanted to share it with you)
If happiness is the currency of life — the true measure of success, how hefty is your happiness account? How abundant is your contentment? How much happiness can you afford to give? Do you hoard or hide your true desires? Do you resent others for their happiness and curse their rose-colored glasses? Here are seven ways to boost your levels of happiness, and therefore, your success.
1) It’s Not the Goal that Matters
The purpose of naming long-term goals is to facilitate the enjoyment of the process. The journey on our way to the goal is made happier when we’ve envisioned our destination clearly in mind. Goals keep us from feeling aimless. But achieving the goal does not necessarily provide the happiness. Enjoy the journey — including the struggles. Become WHO you want to be along the way so that the achievement of the goal isn’t the most important effort, and doesn’t leaving you feeling empty once the goals are in the past.
2) Happiness is the measure of success, but struggle is essential, too, as a catalyst for our growth. Give yourself a license to be human.
Fighting against the Law of Gravity does us no good. It’s an immutable natural law. Likewise, we will only create unnecessary frustration for ourselves if we don’t accept that struggle is a fact of life. Make a decision to change your life and the lives of your entire family by accepting your own painful emotions as human. Emotions come and go, like disappointment, anger, and sadness. Give yourself and others the permission to be human and experience these emotions as an important part of life, rather than resisting them with a fight.
3) When you feel a touch of depression coming on, the first step is to accept it.
Most often it is appropriate, after accepting the feeling, to try to turn our focus to the positive. What is going well in your life or in the world? What is easy for you to do right now that can calm you or cheer you. Maybe tidying up a corner of the house for ten minutes will make you feel the positive sense of accomplishment. Maybe the memory of an accomplishment from earlier in the week can bring a sense of fulfillment — when you cleverly helped your child to overcome frustration, when you made that healthy choice to walk instead of taking the elevator, when you genuinely felt happy about anything.
4) Simplifying your life can bring more satisfaction to your day.
Can you think of a way to simplify your life and quiet the cacophony of modern life, which often distracts from the simple things that could otherwise bring happiness (like making a tent out of blankets with your kids)? After you identify the most important things in your life, try to find ways to eliminate the others — through delegation, hiring help, or cutting down on outside activities or volunteer work.
5) Does it take a terminal illness to begin to appreciate life? For many people, it does.
Pretend you were just told that you had six months to live. Close your eyes and name three things in your world right now that you can be really grateful for. (Go ahead and name them right now, and feel how grateful you are.) Plan on feeling more thankful for these three things in the coming days, while remembering that life doesn’t last forever.
6) Try Happiness Boosters
Making changes is sometimes hard, even if our goal is to become more joyful. For instance, when we are unhappy in our work and want to change careers, but are fearful of drastic steps. We could instead take small steps that could provide measured happiness in the meantime. Try a part-time position as a tutor instead of switching to teaching; volunteer or take up a hobby that gives a similar “boost” in happiness, before making drastic changes. If you want to make a big change in your life, try to identify 2 ideas that you could implement in the meantime to boost your happiness levels for an hour or two each week:
7) How to Deal With Negative Situations
With as little as three deep breaths we can reverse a stressful situation* (see resource below to learn how). Consider reminding yourself to take three deep breaths whenever you reach a red light or whenever you arrive at your desk or pull your car into your driveway at night. Deep breaths can instantly relax and reduce your stress. Additionally, keeping a gratitude journal can help diffuse the day’s stress. Record in the journal a list of five things (no matter how big or how small) that you are thankful for every night. And, finally, remember to choose to focus on the positive each day. Positive people look not only at the trouble but also look at the positive in each situation. Identifying the strengths and opportunities in the world, coupled with an acceptance of the hardship and negativity, produces a more balanced view of life that can serve us well.
Remember, the world today gives wider publicity to the negative and so it becomes more important for us to be diligent to train our focus regularly on the positive. Listening to the news or reading the news in the morning, if it is filled with terrorism, fraud, and murder, can potentially start us on a downward spiral. It wires our brains in a certain way. Whereas, if we start the day reading uplifting and inspiring news stories, like those in the Good News Network website, we can launch a positive upward spiral that will impact the rest of our day and help us to stay happier and more contented.
Written by Tal Ben-Shahar and Geri Weis-Corbley
If happiness is the currency of life — the true measure of success, how hefty is your happiness account? How abundant is your contentment? How much happiness can you afford to give? Do you hoard or hide your true desires? Do you resent others for their happiness and curse their rose-colored glasses? Here are seven ways to boost your levels of happiness, and therefore, your success.
1) It’s Not the Goal that Matters
The purpose of naming long-term goals is to facilitate the enjoyment of the process. The journey on our way to the goal is made happier when we’ve envisioned our destination clearly in mind. Goals keep us from feeling aimless. But achieving the goal does not necessarily provide the happiness. Enjoy the journey — including the struggles. Become WHO you want to be along the way so that the achievement of the goal isn’t the most important effort, and doesn’t leaving you feeling empty once the goals are in the past.
2) Happiness is the measure of success, but struggle is essential, too, as a catalyst for our growth. Give yourself a license to be human.
Fighting against the Law of Gravity does us no good. It’s an immutable natural law. Likewise, we will only create unnecessary frustration for ourselves if we don’t accept that struggle is a fact of life. Make a decision to change your life and the lives of your entire family by accepting your own painful emotions as human. Emotions come and go, like disappointment, anger, and sadness. Give yourself and others the permission to be human and experience these emotions as an important part of life, rather than resisting them with a fight.
3) When you feel a touch of depression coming on, the first step is to accept it.
Most often it is appropriate, after accepting the feeling, to try to turn our focus to the positive. What is going well in your life or in the world? What is easy for you to do right now that can calm you or cheer you. Maybe tidying up a corner of the house for ten minutes will make you feel the positive sense of accomplishment. Maybe the memory of an accomplishment from earlier in the week can bring a sense of fulfillment — when you cleverly helped your child to overcome frustration, when you made that healthy choice to walk instead of taking the elevator, when you genuinely felt happy about anything.
4) Simplifying your life can bring more satisfaction to your day.
Can you think of a way to simplify your life and quiet the cacophony of modern life, which often distracts from the simple things that could otherwise bring happiness (like making a tent out of blankets with your kids)? After you identify the most important things in your life, try to find ways to eliminate the others — through delegation, hiring help, or cutting down on outside activities or volunteer work.
5) Does it take a terminal illness to begin to appreciate life? For many people, it does.
Pretend you were just told that you had six months to live. Close your eyes and name three things in your world right now that you can be really grateful for. (Go ahead and name them right now, and feel how grateful you are.) Plan on feeling more thankful for these three things in the coming days, while remembering that life doesn’t last forever.
6) Try Happiness Boosters
Making changes is sometimes hard, even if our goal is to become more joyful. For instance, when we are unhappy in our work and want to change careers, but are fearful of drastic steps. We could instead take small steps that could provide measured happiness in the meantime. Try a part-time position as a tutor instead of switching to teaching; volunteer or take up a hobby that gives a similar “boost” in happiness, before making drastic changes. If you want to make a big change in your life, try to identify 2 ideas that you could implement in the meantime to boost your happiness levels for an hour or two each week:
7) How to Deal With Negative Situations
With as little as three deep breaths we can reverse a stressful situation* (see resource below to learn how). Consider reminding yourself to take three deep breaths whenever you reach a red light or whenever you arrive at your desk or pull your car into your driveway at night. Deep breaths can instantly relax and reduce your stress. Additionally, keeping a gratitude journal can help diffuse the day’s stress. Record in the journal a list of five things (no matter how big or how small) that you are thankful for every night. And, finally, remember to choose to focus on the positive each day. Positive people look not only at the trouble but also look at the positive in each situation. Identifying the strengths and opportunities in the world, coupled with an acceptance of the hardship and negativity, produces a more balanced view of life that can serve us well.
Remember, the world today gives wider publicity to the negative and so it becomes more important for us to be diligent to train our focus regularly on the positive. Listening to the news or reading the news in the morning, if it is filled with terrorism, fraud, and murder, can potentially start us on a downward spiral. It wires our brains in a certain way. Whereas, if we start the day reading uplifting and inspiring news stories, like those in the Good News Network website, we can launch a positive upward spiral that will impact the rest of our day and help us to stay happier and more contented.
Written by Tal Ben-Shahar and Geri Weis-Corbley
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