I want to explain why I keep posting all these little tidbits

After finally getting it through my thick skull that he is going to lie, cheat and steal until he gets his way, I've decided I don't care if the world knows he's a piece of shit.  I also realize I need to keep a daily diary of accounts, such as him getting mad at the 12 year old and picking her up by her hair, and the 12 year old jumping out of the car (both his and my mom's) when she's having a fit that could have been avoided if they'd just discipline her and stop letting her rule their world...you know, stuff like that. 
Anyway, my official reasons for blogging about this again...

1.  I want to have a record for my own purposes, to be used whenever he tries to take the girls away from me again.  He has no reason for the judge to take the girls away from me, so he's begun  making stuff up.  I think a diary like record (as in a blog) will be more than a solid record of his behavior and how it effects the girls.  I would never try to take the girls away from him the same way he's trying to take them from me, but he's insisted on going down this path...and I can't play the game like he does, not caring how much it's damaging the girls, but I have to do what I have to do in order to protect them from his deranged way of living.

2.  I need to get this out and in place I can read it back to myself and see it from a different point of view.  When chaos is erupting on the other end of the phone, it's hard not to get sucked in and react to that.  It's important that I know that I am no longer under his control and that only if I stay calm, will my children also stay calm.

I just want my kids out of there as much as possible, even if it's only half the year, to see that life is NOT healthy or normal.  They need to have an idea that they can be themselves without fear of ridicule or harassment, that they are welcome to be themselves somewhere.

This is not ideal, but this is how it all worked out.

Now to make it work out the best it can under the circumstances.

He's talked the girls into not going to gymnastics practice. Again.

This is the man that insists it was me that could not follow through, that didn't stick to anything, that I was the one that was messing the kids up by not making them follow through...and then he talks them out of going to gymnastics every chance he gets.  I guess any man that thinks he can give up on his marriage commitment and abandon his family for a bottle of scotch would think that a gymnastics commitment wasn't all that important.

ARRRRGGGHHHH!!!

My 12 year old drama queen has done it again!

Once again, my 12 year old has disrupted two households with her drama.  She didn't do her homework, so her sister, dad, myself and everyone in between has to hear her scream bloody murder about how she has to have it done, how she doesn't have the instructions, and how it isn't her fault that she didn't do it.

Somehow these evenings often correspond with immature and harassing text messages from her father to me.  I wonder if that is a coincident, or not?

Anyway...now I'm sitting here waiting for someone to call me back.  I've been hung up on twice...once by the 12 year old, the other time I'm not sure who hung up.  My poor 10 year old is in the middle of this insanity and I just want to fly in, scoop them both up and bring them here were they can be themselves without the guilt and chaos that is their life there.


*sigh*

Ok, got a call back.  Apparently the 12 year old got so worked up she vomited all over her bed.   She called me back saying she couldn't get up because she was dizzy and he was in the living room not doing anything about it.  (He did eventually wander in to change the sheets, for the record.  Or at least he said he was doing that.  There was a lot of him yelling about gross things on their floor and how they were horrible slobs, etc. so he might not have actually done it.  I don't know for sure.)

Anyway, I just finished reading to them, and everyone is asleep.  I have a headache and I'm going to go find some food...

Working with my daughter

Today is going fairly well...my 12 year old is helping me work on one of my websites.  She's so smart and creative!! Now if I could only send her and her sister a computer so we could work together every day (AND see each other via webcam), this whole separation would not be so hard.  I'm working on it though...I know it will happen soon.

Ok, she's back, going to work now!

It's a good day today!!

I'm officially a student!!  I'll be studying to become a Veterinary Technician!! I'm so excited I can't even focus on anything right now.

***insert image of me bouncing like a Tigger here***

I haven't told anyone, with the exception of a few people who gave me references and my kids...but today I can blab to the world!

I need to try to get some work done, the Marines that are so good to us are waiting for something from me so I need to make myself focus long enough to finish that art for them.

I'll be back to bounce up and down some more later!

My kids didn't call back tonight...

We have a nightly ritual. I read stories to them every night still. Usually, it's stuff like Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, the Secret Garden.

I texted their dad at 10:30, which is pretty late for them, to ask if they were ready for bed yet. He said they had company and weren't ready yet.

I think they told me they didn't have school tomorrow. I'm pretty sure it was this week they got Friday off.

So...it's now 1:20 in Florida and I'm thinking they fell asleep at some point. I'm not too worried. I just miss them.

His neglect of the animals

is killing my kids.  Today the parrotlet died.  This is the bird my 12 year old got for her birthday last year. It's basically a parrot in minature, lives for a LONG time and is very hearty (unlike parakeets).  He wouldn't buy food for it for at least a week, closer to two weeks.  I heard the girls asking him to buy it.  I told the girls to go ask their grandmother to buy it if he was going to refuse.  I think they eventually got him food, but you can't starve a freaking animal for any length of time and expect good things!

So far in the last year, his count on starving animals is:

8+ baby bunnies
5 adult bunnies
1 parrotlet

Possible starvation/probable heat stroke:

1 cat

Disappearances/possible heat stroke:

12+ chickens



The police were called about his letting the chickens into the cemetery next door and all the damage they were doing.  Then he locked all of them into an 8x6 shed/coop attached to an 8x6 yard.  20 chickens!!  Can you imagine the health problems attached to that?

He refuses to feed/water/care for any animal when the girls are gone.  He actually lost a Betta when the girls were gone one week.  LOST A FISH!! IN THE TANK!!  We were here frantically searching for pictures of this fish in my photo album so he could go replace it with an exact duplicate.

GRRRRRRRR!!!!

I have to go work on one of my sites, I just had to get that out of my system before something vital in my cranium burst.  I'll be here working until one of the girls calls me in distress again.

=((

Why do I let him push my buttons???

OMG!  He's unbelievable!! He texts me harassing texts, then I get on the phone with my 12 year old that is upset and he's in the background yelling at me OVER her and she's getting more upset, I'm getting more upset and it all just went to hell real fast.  I swear my brain short circuits when there is any kind of communication with him.  I say things I shouldn't.  I start crying almost instantly.  It's insane!  I'm 3000 miles away and he's still disrupting everything in my world.  Can you imagine if I were close enough for him to just stop by????  I can feel my veins closing up a the thought!!

Why does he want the girls there if he's so freaking miserable around them?  Why is a war every few hours a requirement with him?  He starts fights with a 12 year old!  What is wrong with him?

I need to go make a TON of money so I can get a lawyer and start fighting back.  You'd think I would have had some legal assistance but my mom lied to herself and her boss about why I left Florida and now they won't get involved.  My mom is scared that she will lose the girls so she's helping an emotionally abusive, unstable individual damage the girls more.  Seems like a good trade off, right?  She gets to see her grand daughters self esteem damaged and their chances of future happiness blown apart, BUT she gets to see the girls!! Woohoo! for her.  What a completely twisted way to see things.  So she's helping Tom, whom she has witnessed when he was drunk and out of control, to get the girls the primary part of the year.  And she's decided to lie to everyone else and tell them she tried to give me advice, which is a crock of crap.  Her and Tom seem to have this affliction where they work through these situations in their heads and then forget that they never actually had a conversation with the person.  So I get a lot of adamant bouts of "I tried to tell you!" from her.  But the bottom line is, she never tried to help me.  She's so stuck inside herself she can't even begin to help anyone else.

Honestly, her being that way help motivate me to make a drastic change (move to CA).  I refuse to be like her.  I REALLY refuse to let my girls be that way.  I'd rather die than let them think that it's ok to be like that.

Ok, I need to go try to come up with some money.  Time to start posting ads for graphic and web design on craigslist...wheeeeee!! lol

I'll be back later!

Peace!

It's been a long, strange trip, my friends...but I'm back!

This blog was started in 2006 to give me an outlet for expressing my absolute misery in a way that would allow me to get it all out while not getting me in trouble with my husband and family. 

I stopped blogging in June 2008.  I'm not sure why I stopped.  I wish I hadn't so I could have documented the complete insanity that continued after that.

It's now 2011, I'm in the middle of a divorce, moved across the country to get away from my husband and the rest of the family (that seems to have forgotten he's a violent and unstable person), had the husband agree to let the girls come with me (we were going to share time with them equally) and then after he gave me just enough money to get here from the tax return, he let me get to California, got a lawyer and then said he was keeping the girls. 

I have a plan and you are welcome to hang out and watch to see if the plan will work the way I hope it will, or if I will have to walk back to Florida and fight with nothing to get two of the three most important parts of my life back in a safe environment.

At this point I'm starting up with the blog to keep documenting the crap he's doing to my kids, that he's allowed to do to my kids because HE has an income and a lawyer.  The kids are miserable, there is absolute chaos there every day.  I get multiple phone calls from crying kids every day.  They are getting violent, injuring each other and screaming and crying all day long.  He's put them in school because he says he can't watch them and work.  Well, if he hadn't lied and kept them there when they were supposed to be with me, that would never have been a problem.  Of course, he told everyone I abandoned them, and I found out real quick who my friends were.  I'll get in to details later, though. 

Thanks for stopping by, I appreciate you taking the time to join me in this adventure called life. 

Peace!

:-)