It’s not so bad

sorry Solaris, I’m not gonna freak you out tonight.


As of today, either his will to survive has kicked in or he’s just manipulating me into thinking he’s attempting to make a change. I suggested that maybe he needs a new job since 1. they aren’t paying him nearly what was promised 2. the stress level is way beyond what was implied and 3. he’s miserable as hell. I think that when you try to go against what you were meant to do, you can NOT be happy and you can NOT succeed. (and he’s taken not succeeding to a whole new level recently.) Just like we can’t be happy in a relationship where we are not allowed to be ourselves, we can not do a job that deprives us of our natural character. He’s always done things that make him miserable. He grew up thinking you were supposed to be miserable. His parents reek of misery. They have money (their goal in life)…but all their kids are emotionally fucked up and no one likes them much. I’d rather have my loving family and my money problems, thanks. Well, I’m not so sure my husband likes me much right now, but I have 3 kids that do, 1 mom and 100 very close relatives that would be willing to give me the time of day…so I consider myself pretty well off.

Back to the job issue. I politely suggested (reality: I IM’d his ass with links and an attitude) that he check some sites my mom found with scuba diving jobs. I did also mention that if he did not make some sort of change in a positive direction that he’d be spending 16 hours a day being depressed and watching nothing but youtube videos from his parents house instead of his office here. Within an hour there was someone calling about a job interview. Obviously I hit some nerve.

Later that day, he had dragged out a box of sea treasures out to show the kids. We have things from the Atocha, the USS San Diego and a few other wrecks that he was explaining to the girls for quite a long time.

Please let this be the right path for him! When we met he was in pre-med classes at a fairly high level school in NJ and switched towards a degree in Marine Biology because that was what really interested him. He had also just bought his father’s restaurant so the college courses came to an abrupt halt shortly after that. But he loves this stuff. I can’t even count how many salt water tanks we have in our home. Really. They are everywhere. I even had plans made up to move our small galley kitchen and make the area it is in now into a fish tank. Sort of a huge room divider 1000 gallon fish tank. (Yes, I was serious about that.) We have created our own reefs, he propagates corals, we hatch shark eggs…our house is a living science class. HE LOVES THIS STUFF! I like it too. But I don’t want to do it for a living. Or at least I never considered it. I was going to school to become a veterinarian so, really, it’s not all that far off from my original plans for life. I had planned on fixing horses instead of sea horses though.

Speaking of careers, I’ve been getting comments lately that are making me stop and realize…(please don’t take this the wrong way)…I’m damned good at what I do. It’s people that are hiring me saying so. Then they send me uncomfortably large sums of money…uncomfortable for me since i still have the mindset that what I do is easy so I shouldn’t charge much for it. I’ve only just begun to change my mind about money…I think certain words like “foreclosure” and “repossession” help change your ideas about money real quick. LOL Anyway, I realized I’m good at what I do. I don’t ever dread working. I ‘could’ be earning enough money to pay all the bills if I’d quit trying to shortchange myself.
If hubby could be as happy at his work as I am at mine…I think we could accomplish so much more.
I could also be just fine living in a little bungalow in the Keys as long as I have high speed internet and access to horses within an hour drive or boat ride.

Ok, gotta get some stuff done. I just wanted to let you know I’ve not totally pulled the plug but was feeling some serious frustration the other day.

Talk to you all later!!
:)