Accountability

Ok, so I briefly touched on the fact that my brother has moved down here.  I also displayed my feelings about the fact that he’s 6 hours from his children.  He was “technically” closer when he lived 1800 miles away, it only took 2 hours to fly there.  He also does not pay child support, which is just about the lowest thing you can do.  He can, however, put money into a giant piece of junk car (hubby calls it the Pet Detective car) and buy paintball supplies, and beer (LOTS O FREAKING BEER) and music and and and you get the picture.  He’s a selfish bastard just like my father.  And while he learned it from him, he’s worse than my father for continuing the cycle of greed and abuse.  He’s all about “dominating the smaller species”, “controlling the situation” and other big red flag type phrases…so while I think he’s a loser for not being closer to his kids, they are most likely better off without him.
BUT…in the meantime, MY kids are being subjected to him!  My kids love him.  He’s like a big kid to them.  He’s all about playing and having fun…unless you get out of line, then he’s gotta put you in your place (which he wouldn’t dare to touch one of my kids but he’s always reprimanding them which gets me telling him to shut the hell up and mind his own business).  I don’t want him near my kids.  My husband agrees.  But, he’s freaking impossible to keep out of our house.  He just shows up.  He’s just there.  Like the guy in Mr. Deeds.  It’s scary.  And he doesn’t get it.  I think there might actually be something wrong with his ability to comprehend.  Perhaps it has something to do with drinking a case of beer a day?

So.  He’s here and I’ve gone totally nuts.  I was bitching and complaining…and then…I wondered.  I wondered WHY he bothered me so much.  Like abnormally much.

Was it that he was also going to be a burden on my mom.  She was obviously effected by his presence.  Or was his lack of responsibility what bothered me.  I keep telling my mom he needs to grow up.  He needs to be an adult.  He needs to…blah, blah, blah.

Well.  I got what I deserved I guess.  This week we really hit rock bottom.  We totally ran out of money.  So my mom went and bought us groceries and I’m like…oh my God!  I’m bitching about my brother not being responsible and my mother is buying me groceries so I can feed my kids!  That is like the pot calling the kettle black!  I’m just as bloody irresponsible as he is!

Now, when I got past my whole week of major hormone blasts and the shock of him showing up…I also got over feeling like I am anything like my brother.  While it is true that my mom bought us groceries (and then put gas in my van so I could get home from gymnastics), I did support her for a good many years after she left my dad.  I also work my ass off and spend my money on things like food for my kids, electricity, gas to get them to gymnastics (and I barter that, so no money needed there).  I don’t go buy saddles and horses and other such equine based items.  And when my ex and I got divorced, I sent money before we finalized it since my son stayed at the house and I moved out to an apartment near work - it’s just the right thing to do.

So I depressed myself by thinking I was like him, and then realized I might have been a bit harsh about the whole thing.  And this goes with my “get it out so I can’t bully myself with this crap anymore” philosophy.  When something starts to eat at me, you all are gonna get a front row seat for the outing…I have too much to do in this world to be bothered by such trivial garbage.
So what if I am a tad broke this week.  I’ll fix it.  I have been busy spending time getting our school schedule set up, and getting adapted to our new gymnastics schedule…I haven’t been actively annoying my regular clients so they give me jobs to make me go away for a week. 


Ok, I’m so tired I have the shakes.  I think that is the official stopping point.

See you happy campers tomorrow.

nite.