Some days I seem to be so absorbed with my own problems, that I forget that I really care about other people. I’m not sure how I forget. Maybe I lock all those feelings of sadness and longing for the time to be with them away so I won’t be distracted while I sit here for hours and hours a day “working to make things better”? I’m not sure what I do with my emotions. Honestly, up until very recently, I think I might have loaned them out to someone, like a book you forgot who you gave it to, and they somehow just found their way home.
I recently decided it was time to get my priorities straight. Yeah, ok, so lots of people do it. Yes, they do, and I hope they are as successful as I seem to be at it. This time. I’m not saying I’ve not tried this before, but this time…I hope I’ve done it right.
I got a bug up my ass about being so unfocused and scattered so I drove over to where I always go when I have something I want to learn/fix/explore/decide. I went to Barnes & Noble. I am a book junkie. And our libraries suck (oh, do I ever miss the NY Public Library). So, I went into Barnes & Noble with the express intent of figuring out what exactly my next direction would be. I wasn’t leaving til I found it.
Normally I go one of two directions…straight to the kids section or straight to the magazines. This time I walked straight in, stopped in the center and just waited for inspiration. Well, by a serious of events and ideas, I ended up in the Native American section. Ok. Let’s start with who I am. That is always a good place to begin. Who am I?
I sifted through quite a few books (most were really negative….note to brothers and sisters: Please try to focus on what good can be created today and not on the injustices that have been done to you in the past. This is the only way to grow.) I came across a few that were of interest, and being limited financially, I made my decision and took one book.
The book I chose was “The Wind Is My Mother” by Bear Heart. It’s part biography and gives ideas on how to live in balance. I realized it was the perfect choice when I got in to reading it. I actually just finished it two days ago but I think I want to read it again because I’m not sure I wasn’t rushing or falling asleep a few times (my reading time is normally very late at night). For the most part though, I think I got what I was looking for and more.
So as I’m reading Bear Heart’s stories and lessons, I’m thinking of how self absorbed I am all the time. I could be closer to my family, especially my kids and husband. I could be doing something to help other people out some way. I could teach my children how to be a good member of society by being one myself. I need to find things that touch my heart and share them with others. I could make a difference!
So, I am not sure what I will do. I will start by acknowledging things that I’ve missed and see where it takes me. I know that every day I will be thankful to our Grandmother Earth for the resources that she provides to us. I will also be thankful to the Great Spirit for the life force that flows through me. I am grateful for my wonderful kids and I am grateful to a husband that is trying very very hard to be all he can be. I am grateful for my skills and love of art, and for the fact that there are horses sharing our planet with us. I would like to combine those and help children who do not have the means to do so, learn art or learn to care for horses and ride. Maybe a camp of some sort? I would really love to be able to care for horses that are no longer wanted or no longer able to be cared for. For the latter cases, I’d want their owners to continue caring for the horse at my expense…and sharing something with the kids that come to camp. We can all contribute something to make a better life, even if we have no money, we have something…everyone has something inside them that makes them a special part of our society. I think that sometimes people get so absorbed by paying bills and trying to keep up with the rat race, that they hide that special gift…and they just need someone to remind them that it’s there, waiting for them to bring it back out so they can share it with the world.
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