Changing perspective

I spent the day with my in-laws.  Normally that statement would have my business partner expecting me to ask for bail money in my next breathe.  But…we are turning over a new leaf, aren’t we?  I am being myself, remember.  I am being someone who I won’t be ashamed of when I think of my day and what I did.  I am changing the way I view a lot of things.

My mom says (very often) that in order to believe in something, you have to believe in everything possible for it to be real.  I might not be saying it right, I’m very tired.  Sorry. Anyway, I can’t believe that we are all products of the same creator and that we all are essentially perfect creations (behaviorally flawed as some of us may be)…and exclude the people I am related to that I have been unhappy to be around in the past.  It’s either all or none.

Now, I can’t be all fakey-fakey-nicey-nicey to these people just to pretend that I’m being someone I want to be.  I really don’t think that many people could just go out and forgive everyone of every bad thing they’ve done and be part of one big happy world where people sing in the street together like a 1970’s Coke commercial.  You know…as corny as that might seem…it sure as hell beats the world we live in today.  But that is getting off the point.

While I have trouble forgiving my in-laws for treating me like I’ve been an undesirable growth in their son’s home…I can consider that they are my brothers and sisters, in a “we were all created by the same creator” sense, and that while I may not like the things they do much, to think that they are less than or greater than myself is an insult to the force that created us.  It implies that it didn’t do such a good job, that one or the other is less than, that it messed up.

So..if I am going to change how I look at the world, then I need to change how I think about ALL of the world.

In-laws included.

I have noticed since I started thinking of things in a different way, people are very much easier to get along with.  I also feel connections with people I’ve never felt.  I think that might be due to certain parts of my emotions coming back to participate in life after having been locked up for most of my life.  I actually CARE about things.  I adore my daughters and want to stop everything that I’m doing to listen to them tell me one of their wild tales (don’t know where they get that from!! LOL) or to listen to one of them tell me how they did their balance beam or bars routine in gymnastics on the days my mom takes them.  I used to tell them, “One minute, just give mommy one minute and I’ll be there”.  Well, one minute never was…it was always 20, 45, never.  I have one child who doesn’t expect me to do things for him because I’m too busy, don’t have the money, etc…and he’s left home.  It’s too late to change him, he’s going to have to learn on his own (I can offer my enlightened view of things as I learn them, but what 19 year old boy ever actually LISTENED to his parent about life lessons??).  But it’s not to late to teach my 6 and 8 year old how to be a person that they can be proud of at the end of their lives.  That is my goal, I think.  I want to walk into the sunset at the end of my time here…and look back and see all the people I’ve touched in a positive way.  I want to know that my time here was used to it’s fullest potential.  I want my children to be proud of their mother.  I want my children to be proud of themselves when they reach the end of their path too.  And children learn by example, so I guess I better get my butt in a higher gear…because I have time to make up for.

Actually, maybe I’ll shift gears tomorrow…because I think I’ve reached official Red Bull Crash.  I must get some sleep.

Thanks for listening…I’ll see you happy campers tomorrow.  Goodnight!

:)

Oh, and I’ve been thinking about Meg a lot today.  I’ve been asking if the Great Spirit can just help her get back to her life quickly because she does touch a lot of people, and we all miss her a lot.