Emotional and financial abuse

I've been following a Facebook page that discusses emotional and financial abuse. I really never thought of things like eliminating my access to the bank account or making our financial problems my fault after keeping me from working were considered abuse. But it does make sense. It's a way of control. It's a way to make you feel like you have no way of making a change or making a difference in what is happening to you.

I made the move to California to get away from his control.  My mom is pissed at me because she said I didn't listen to her and do it the right way.  First of all, she never told me much more than just be careful.  What does that mean?  I was freaking DYING!  Tom had sucked every ounce of my will to exist out of my soul.  If it weren't for my kids I'd have just gone to bed one day and never woken up.  My soul was that empty.  I was in so much pain and then sometime in the last few years I just became numb.  Circumstances brought me to where I met the people I know in California and I swear it was by divine intervention that I was led here. 

I have faith that I'm on the right path and I have faith that this will work out for the girls.  The girls are my motivation for all I do.  They are my soul.  They kept me alive and made life worth waking up for each day, even with his extreme negativity and the threat of violent outburst at anything I did throughout the day.  They are my angels. 

It really hurts that my mother and ex-friends all believe that I would abandon my kids to come to California.  They think I left them for a man.  How can someone who says they are my friend and especially MY MOTHER, who should know me better, tell people that?  How can they spread that lie that only is true in their mind, because it's not at all what happened? Those girls are my life, and no one comes before them.  I came to California to build a different life for them where they can be free to be themselves, where no one else will make them feel guilty because of their feelings.  Yes, I was stupid to believe that Tom would every hold up his end of the bargain...he hasn't told the truth or held up his end of an agreement since I met him so I can't even tell you why I believed that he would let the girls come out as soon as I got myself settled here.  I just wanted to believe that he could be decent.  I wanted to believe so bad that life was going to get bettter.  I wanted to believe that he cared enough about the girls to not keep them away from me.  He never wanted anything to do with us when I was there, before I left him.  Then he only wanted to call from around the corner and show up whenever he wanted to.  HE USED TO FREAKING CRAWL IN THE WINDOW OF OUR HOUSE WHEN THE GIRLS AND I WERE SLEEPING!!!!!  Can you say "STALKER???"  He's scary and his way of rationalizing things is warped beyond a level of being able to deal with him. 

This past week he threatened to turn off my phone because I shut off his websites for not paying his hosting bill.  The judge said he needed to pay my cell phone, he didn't say I had to support Tom's insurance business websites.  I sent him invoices that he conveniently says he didn't receive.  That's not my problem, just like him decreasing my insurance coverage and then cancelling it wasn't his problem. 

I think the worst part of this, after the fact that I'm not with my girls, is that he and my mother and everyone in their little circle is convinced they are right and I'm wrong.  They think I'm wrong for trying to get my kids away from an abusive person and at least let them live part of the year in an emotionally safe environment, where they can learn to distinguish between healthy and non-healthy relationship.  So...then they support the abuse and want it to continue.  That's just sick.

Seeing my mother like this has brought back some memories as a kid...memories that are filling in blanks.  My mom has always told me how my dad made our house unbearable...but he was never really there.  She was.  So if she was the one there, then she made the house unbearable.  Right?  And if my dad was so bad, then she was the one who should have fixed the problem.  She should have gotten us out of there.  So she made my life hell when I was a kid and now she's helping to make my kids lives hell.

On the almost bright side, I've started to develop a relationship with my dad, so I guess I'm not a total orphan...although at this point, I'm so numb when it comes to these people who were supposed to love you and protect you and do anything for you...I just don't think I care much any more.